This is not a cry for help
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture
I tried it and it just strained my eyes.
they don't know how to spell congrajlashins.
Most only have 4 though.
6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
It’s soda pressing.
I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".
But this year I've turned it around, I'm miserable and depressed
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Edit: Thanks for the gold!
I nearly fell off of my unicorn.
You boil the hell out of it.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
I told him, 'My door is always open!'
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows." Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows." Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp. First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend." Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument." They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting. First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish — let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"
… what should I feed it?
None. They just keep putting the broken one back in because it promised things would be different this time.
If you take something else, that’s another thing
tosses him a frisbee
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well.
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars. Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?" "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!" Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
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