This is so sad, Alexa play Chanson d’automne
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.
Such a relief when they said it was just a bank robbery.
It’s a dream job
Me and my recliner go way back.
Pupils, coz they dilate.
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
This just happened 2 minutes ago. I’m visiting my brother today , dec 29. His wife asked for some shopping cash and I heard him say: “Don’t spend it all at once, this money needs to last us till next year” Ps. He’s been a father for 5 years now
To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
That came out of nowhere.
You can see right through 'em.
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence."
I will stop at nothing to avoid them
They turnip the beets
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
He wasn't being very trans parent.
Sheepdog: Hey, I rounded them up!
Battle royale with cheese.
I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe.
They’ve left no tern unstoned
I told him, "It seems you are a father now, a parent Lee."
I said no thanks, I can't handle high maintenance women
It runs in my jeans.
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.” The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.” The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.” The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say: “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.” He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?” He said, “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.” She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
I have to draw my own conclusions.
I said "It's growing on me."
They lost my case.
They had no chemistry 🥺