This is tyranny!!!,1,!!11
My friend with the lazy eye just lost his job as a teacher.
He had a real hard time controlling his pupils.
I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night.
But the ungrateful bitch spat it out.
Today I had my appointment with my psychiatrist
He thinks that I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I know he's thinking it.
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes ‘WHACK’ , “ah shit”. A bad skydiver goes “ah shit” , ‘WHACK’
Don’t date tennis players…
Love means nothing to them
I suggested to the national park service we release clay pigeons back into the wild.
That idea was immediately shot down
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
What’s blue and not so heavy?
Light blue
What do you call the wife of a hippie?
Mississippi
Fifty Shades of Gray has beat records for the fastest selling R rated movie
Well, first it tied the records up, then it beat them…
I got a job as a bullet
But I was immediately fired.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
![[Onutė (a name) looks so natural.] [You’re right, when she was alive, she looked like a corpse already]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/kyk6460th3y41-400x479.jpg)
My grandma and computers
So my grandma just found out how to read updates and it said updated in the backround and said i always see that but i dont see them in thr backround
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records
Then the librarian told me to take it out.
A guy has been accused in our town for murdering people by hitting them with a cement bag.
However the police still don't have any concrete evidence against him.
Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer
One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" The other says "No"
I love jokes about monorails.
Those are my favourite one liners.
My computer has a virus and is only showing ads for American Eagle, GAP and Urban Outfitters
I think I'm infected with Mall-Wear
I went to see an Egyptian doctor to try and fix my back…
He's a Cairo-practor…
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
It was bread in captivity.
I’m bald and im going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits
So from a distance it looks like hares
My wife told me that I had to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter.
I have got some news for her.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
"Are you having a crisis?"
What do you call a fake turd?
A shampoo
Can a woman make her husband a millionaire?
Of course, if he’s a billionaire.