‘Our love withstands our flaws, imperfections & shortcomings’
‘Our love withstands our flaws, imperfections & shortcomings’
What I if told you
You read the title wrong
I’ve heard so much about the “Eye Of The Tiger”, but how come no one talks about…
…the other four letters?
If you smoke seaweed
You need professional kelp
Three sisters get married, each to another man
The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them. She decides to take each of them on a walk separately. The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a phone notification that he received 500 dollars with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your mother in-law, Sarah She then tests the second guy and again, "accidentally" falls into the same pond. He doesn't hesitate either, and jumps in to save her. The next day, he too gets a notification on his phone that he received 500 dollars, also with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your mother in-law, Sarah She then tests the third guy and again "accidentally" falls into the pond. The guy looks around if anyone can see, decides that no one is watching, and walks away. The next day, he gets a phone notification that he received 500 dollars aswell with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your father in-law, James"
Its getting too hot to wear a suit
The weather just isn't suitable
Immigrants are good cause they do jobs no American wants to do
Like fucking the president. -Jeff Ross
Q: Why can’t a blind guy see his friends?
A: Because he's married.
Jedi’s make lousy spouses
They always threaten to use divorce.
“Why didn’t Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!” My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska…
I took my new gun out to the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith
I tripped in France
Eiffel over.
I just said, “No comment” all the way through the police interview…
I didn’t get the job.
Why do Jewish men have to be circumsized?
Because a Jewish woman won’t touch anything unless it’s 20% off.
It’s “live free or die”, not “live free or get everyone else killed by a pandemic”.
https://ift.tt/3dPzkNv
A man goes into a brothel
He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house." She says, "The worst…? For $100 you can have the best blow-job in the house!" He says, "No, it's all right, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
(: ¡¡ʇɥƃᴉN pooפ
Love, Australia.
A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they're always stuffed.
What kind of music do accountants listen to?
Debt metal
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Student loans you got me through college
I don’t think I can ever repay you
What do you call a butchers conference
A meating
What does a law student and a recovering alcoholic have in common?
They both have to pass the bar.