This joke London Underground ad.
Endgame Joke
At the end of the film, Tony Says "I am Ironman" The line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm Dad"
Being an Amputee is a blessing and a curse…
On one hand, I have fingers. On the other hand, I don’t.
There’s only 1 rule in learning English
1.) Their our know rules
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks are big!” The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.” After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender. The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?
His name was Rick O'Shea
I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.
A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.
Wearing Crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy.
Both feel really good until you look down and realize you're gay.
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn’t likable.
It was an autobiography…
What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?
I’m a cashew
The doggy swinging is funny, however the old scene kinda makes me sad at the same time?
https://ift.tt/2WP2S5P
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
Wanna hear a joke about short term memory loss?
Wanna hear a joke about short term memory loss?
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because its cheaper
I guess I can’t really be mad about seeing the same jokes made on this sub
With a whole profession built around copy and pasting stack overflow it only makes sense you guys would copy and paste the same jokes over and over again
What kind of bait cannot be used for fishing?
The Answer Will Shock You!
Dad, why is that book so thick?
"It's a long story"
How much does it cost to buy a large singing group?
"you mean a choir?" Fine… How much does it cost to "acquire" a large singing group?
I saw a sign that said falling rocks,
so I tried it. It doesn't.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner…
…you become a vacuum cleaner. And furthermore, true house cleaners aren't just born, they're maid.
I like telling dad jokes
He laughs at them sometimes
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”
My wife is mad at me for not having a sense of direction
So i packed up and right.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two
My wife just yelled at me, “You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said”
I thought that was a pretty odd way to start a conversation
I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention
We were better than The Cure.
I was skeptical when someone told me that there is a land full of Jews
Turns out, Israel
Bob the milkman
A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's been having an affair with Bob the milkman." "What!?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" "That's right," says the first guy. "Jesus," says his buddy. "Why would Bob the milkman want to fuck that?"
A weasel goes to the bar
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?” The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.” “Pop!” goes the weasel.
Where is truth produced?
In the fact-ory.