This made someones day
Not a single one of them has gotten pregnant yet!
To cover it’s butt-quack.
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
It was a brief case…
You give her a pound, then you give her a pound
But the people in Abu Dhabi Doooo!
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
No text found
They always punch up the fuck line.
The cold shoulder.
I call it the remorse code
…But then I thought, "Na, they've probably heard it before."
Dad: In the US Son: Which part? Dad: What "which part", my whole body was born in the US
We aren't doing enough to exterminate the fag-hating squirrel.
I keep it scattered on beaches all over…
Is the bar tender here?
They have no windows.
But I don't like living in the past.
She still isn’t talking to me
Because it was two-tired
So we stopped playing chess.
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
…you can run but you can't hide!
A jolly rancher.
I was watching that American TV show "Modern Family" and it got me thinking about the time I took my son out for his first drink. We went down the street to the local pub, only a couple of blocks away. I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it, so I drank it. I ordered him a Smithwick's. He hated it, so I drank it. I bought him a Murphy's, he spit it out, so I drank it. I tried him with that bland American beer Coors, he barely took a sip and pushed it away, so I drank it. I figured maybe he would like Irish Whiskey instead, so I got him a shot of Jameson 18 year. He choked on it, so yeah, I drank that too. I had him try Redbreast 12 year, the year's Irish Whiskey Awards top whiskey. He turned away, wouldn't even smell it. What else could I do – I drank it! When I finally realized he just doesn't like alcohol, I was so shit-faced I could barely push his stroller home!
Wanna go ride bikes?
There was no chemistry
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk”
It's what he would have wanted…
You'd think it would be "R" or "C", but it's actually "P", because without it, he'd be irate.
He hates capitalism
So I said "Sure" She asked "When?" "When I meet the right person"