This makes absolutely no sense at all
So when he drove by people would say, “Look at that escargot!” You’re welcome.
They are making headlines!!!
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it…
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.
…but I am 22 to say it
With animals in his heart.
"Hatch who?" "Bless you!" Source: my 6yo at dinner tonight
Whenever a homeless person asks me for money, I admit my first thought is always, “This money’s just going to get spent on booze or drugs.”
That's why I always give it to the homeless person instead.
I can no longer see why people say these devices were so dangerous.
…Math puns make me feel number.
It’s gone spiral
Which I really didn't appreciate.
We were smoking a joint in front of a guy’s store, and he came out and said, “Excuse me, we have No Smoking rules here.”
I said, “Thanks man. Most other places have tons of smoking rules.”
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,………. Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.” “I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.” “Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!”, he exclaimed. “ Good”, she replied. …………… “Get your own f***ing blanket.” After a moment of silence, …………………… he farted.
So, I took it to Best Buy to get it fixed, and the woman at the counter said they can't fix hammers.
Parents: Arson? Principal: Yes, your son.
Because they have 2 Shifts…
It was a risk I was willing to take.
It only takes one nail to hang a picture
Keanu is breathtaking, the other one is breadtaking.
But it was a Risk I was willing to take…
I'm just not very good at it.
"When Trump passes by, we all swear, spit, and throw rotten fruit on him" The Russian: "When Putin passes by, we all piss on him" The American: "I exaggerated a little – we swear whispering, spit aside, and while throwing, we don't hit". The Russian: "And I exaggerated too – when we piss, we don't take off our pants".
He put on another coat
We’d better get some support or people will think we’re nuts.
Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?“ To which the nun replies “hell no“ and proceeded to get off the bus. Distraught, the man ask the bus driver what to do. The bus driver replied, “well every night she goes to the cemetery and prays, So if you go dressed as God and tell her that she must bang you to go to heaven, you are set to go”. Excited, the man goes out And buys the best God costume in the country.Later that night, dressed as God, the man tiptoes into the cemetery and sees the nun praying.Having recited his lines, he goes to the nun and says, “if you want to go to heaven, we must bang”. To his surprise, the nun agreed and they proceeded to have rough anal sex. After he finished, he threw off his God costume and proclaimed, “aha! It is I! The Man from the bus!” The nun threw off its clothes and proclaimed, “aha! It is I! The bus driver!”
There are more geese on that side
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture