This “meme” my mother sent me
To go with the traffic jam.
No text found
No text found
With his bear hands
It was Heaven-scent
Must have a hard time sneaking out to the pub without the wife noticing.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.
A pizza can feed a family of four.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
They all looked shocked when I didn't stop
…that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."
Not enough people really talk about England very much
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
A good swearitan.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense. Irish cop says,"License and registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What for?" Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a com- plete stop. License and registration, please" London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye havte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down? "
He's only got little legs
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
for the first time ever, I'm hoping you all say "I didn't get it"
Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
He says."Doc, you've gotta help me. I've been getting these same headaches everyday and I don't know what to do". The doctor says "I experienced those same headaches too. Here's what I did: I went home and gave my wife oral sex. She would squeeze my head with her legs and this relieved the tension. Try it". Two weeks go by, and the doctor calls him up, asking how he feels. He says "Doc, you're a genius! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment. I feel like a new man! Oh, and by the way, you have a lovely home".
I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.
They checked our reviews. One star.
2020:stay away from positive people
Because camping is in tents.
Noble gasses don't cause a reaction
I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’
So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’
…it smells like burnt nose hair?
You can't hear an enzyme.
It's pasteurized before you even see it!
Because it's the scenter.
Me: Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
God rest their soles.
I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”