This pains me to look at
I'm going to quit cold turkey.
Aye matey! Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.
It was soda pressing.
That's ridiculous, considering they're working around the clock.
I have a friend who was born on October 10th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long fence pole. He hates it.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
Because his whole life he's Ben Solo
But then I’m a mime, so I can’t really talk.
and I've already got a friend in me.
Or are we still just washing our hands?
Co-Mando. (Credit to my girlfriend)
When there is change in the weather.
She didn’t know I existed…
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."
I have grater problems to worry about.
I need to tell my bro to do a better job at hiding his porn.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?”
The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"
It was harder to deter gents.
You boil the Hell out of it
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
Which I think is poor for four.
That was my wholemeal.