This panda is hurt!
Quick! Someone call the bamboolance.
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
Between you and me something smells.
I have no shelf control.
I listen to their problems, I learn about color matching and fashion so that I can go shopping with them, I ask them about their feelings, etc. The whole thing. Once they trust me, I wait patiently and the moment they let their guard down, BAM! I fuck their boyfriends.
They just gave me a cold shoulder
…that there are no peanut butter fish.
Just in case you get a hole in one.
Because it's the scenter.
… Make me one with everything.
The second hand store.
I told him, "It seems you are a father now, a parent Lee."
It was hardcore
I can never get a straight answer
One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter
I just asked Siri "surely it's still not going to be stormy tomorrow?" Siri replied, "yes it will be and don't call me Shirley" Realised my phone was in Airplane mode
You look a bit flushed.
They just frowned and moved to another part of the silent disco.
No text found
Because if they had 4 they'd be called chicken sedans.
…are you still considered ham-fisted?
A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, “Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?”
Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw 'em forever!" The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he took off his clothes and started banging his manhood on the dresser. His wife stuck her head out of the shower and asked, "Is that you, Bubba?"
I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.
The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away. I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."
He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"
The doctor gave him a sample pot and said: "Take this and bring it back tomorrow with a sperm sample." The following day, the old man returned and gave the pot back to the doctor. It was empty as the day before. Confused, the doctor asked what happened. The old man explained: "You see, doc, this is how it went: first, I tried with my right hand and nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, still nothing. So I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with her left one, but nothing. Next she tried with her mouth – first with her teeth, then without them, and nothing. We even called our neighbor and she also tried. First with both hands, then with her armpit and lastly, squeezing it between her knees, but nothing." The doctor was shocked: "You asked your neighbor for help?!" "Yes, doc. But neither of us could open the damn pot."
A retail store.
You can hide, but you can’t run.
He said: "No sir, Ill need it back tomorrow night"