This post was made by low iron gang
A Blonde Joke
Two ladies, blonde and a brunette, meet up for lunch. The Brunette tells the blonde that she just had sex with a Brazilian. The Blonde excitedly exclaims, "Oh my god! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"
My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.
We were going to have chicken for supper, but ended up having rabbit.
It was a game changer.
We have hit 20,000 members! Thank you all!
Firstly I’d like to thank each and every one of you who had joined this subreddit. This subreddit full of memes that I, myself, don’t even understand. 20000 people, that’s just… wow!It is an honour to serve this community and every single one of you members, new or old.Secondly I’d like to say how activity in this subreddit has been at an all time high, we are getting more posts than ever, of course that means more reposts, and posts that break other rules that our subreddit has, but on behalf of the moderation team, I’m here to assure you that we have you covered, we want to make sure you only get the highest quality posts when you look at r/sciencememes.I hope to see you again when we hit our next major milestone.If you ever need me, or any other of the moderation team feel free to use ModMail, if you see a post or comment breaking the rules, don’t be afraid to report them.🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
A nun gets into a cab and notices that the driver can’t stop staring at her…….
So she asks him why is he staring and he answers, "I have a question I need to ask you but I don't want to offend you." The nun replies, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you have had a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." The cab driver hesitates for a moment and then says, "Well it's like this; I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me." The nun replies, "Okay well, let's see what we can do about that, shall we. There are two conditions though – firstly you have to be single and secondly you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, yes! I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun then says, "Okay then, pull into the next alley." The cab driver does so and the nun duly goes ahead and fulfills his fantasy. They get back on the road and start driving again, but the cab driver soon starts to cry. The nun sees this and asks him, "My dear child, pray tell, why are you crying?" The cab driver says, "You must forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied to you – I must confess that I'm married and I'm also Jewish." The nun laughs and says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
What’s a bowlers favorite kind of vegetable?
A spare I guess
When you say “poop” your mouth moves in the same way your anus does.
The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".
Tutorial: How to gain 500 Coin on Reddit without upvote or luck!! SAFE METHOD
https://ift.tt/35Jd7fO
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion
The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Aussie said: That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, ya'know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, are astonished, and asked?, "Two full hours?….. Wow! that's unbelievable. How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Aussie replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
I am suspicious that someone in my family has been secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.
Everyone denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I wish I were a British fighter pilot
Those dudes are royal AF
After being single for ages, my best mate said, “Can I set you up?”
I said, "Go on then" Now I'm doing twelve years for a crime I didn't commit.
I just found out I’m colorblind
That diagnosis really came out of the purple
So a girl comes in late to class…
The teacher asks her “why are you late?” Girl replies, “I was outside blowing bubbles and lost track of time.” Another girl comes in late, the teacher asks her: “and why are you late?” Girl replies, “I was out blowing bubbles.” Once again, another girl comes into class late and the teacher looks over angrily, “and why is that you’re late?!” Girl replies, “I was just blowing bubbles, sorry.” The teacher feeling bad for her outburst says “it’s ok, I just want everyone here before the new kid joins our class. Ahh, here he is now,” the teacher motions to the door. A young, nervous boy walks into the class. The teacher asks “now why don’t you introduce yourself to the class.” The boy shyly says “Hi, my name is Bubbles.”
What should you do if you see a famous person at a water park?
Ask them for their watergraph.
Dad was told he only had 6 months to live. He said he wanted his ex wife to come live with him
Because It would be the longest 6 months of his life.
Just paid a lot of money for a really unprofessional circumcision
It was a rip off
The doctor told me I only have 2 months to live due to cancer…
So I killed the doctor and the judge gave me 20 years.
[NSFW] So yesterday I went out side and punched a white person, I was charged with assault, today I went outside and punched a black person…
…I was charged with impersonating a police officer.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
A Guy Picks Up A Hooker For The First Time.
They come into his house, and he throws off his shoes, and holy Jesus christ almighty his toes! The Hooker Asks: "Oh my god, what is with your toes?!" The guy responds with: "I had TOElio when I was younger" They move on, the guy takes off his pants and HOLY CRAP his knees they're all wrinkly and it's indescribable. "Oh God! Your Knees! What's wrong with your knees?!" "Oh I had KNEEsles when I was younger" She lifts up the bedsheet and says: "Yeah looks like you had smallcocks too"
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
Why does a duck have feathers?
To cover its butt quack.
I would post a joke about Buddhism
But I don’t have enough karma
To the person who hacked into my reddit account…
I will find you, and I will kill you. edit: no you wont
I’m starting to like my facial hair.
It's really growing on me
Yogurt on the bus [NSFW]
On the bus today, I tapped the woman in front of me on the shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, but there's some semen on your sweater." She said, "Oh, it's probably just yogurt…" I replied, "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."
I knew this butcher who accidentally backed into his meat grinder
He got a little behind in his work
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
I edited my pig’s genes to make it taste better
you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own
Because its two-tired.
