This pretty much sums up the 90’s
I’ve got a hen who can count her own eggs…
She’s a mathamachicken…
Joker to Batman: “Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?”
"Yeah sure." Joker: "Ok, parental love". Batman: "I don't get it.." "exactly."
Alabama and Lousiana here’s your chance to show America you’re not who we think you are
https://ift.tt/33jE0FJ
TUTORIAL: “How to Fall Down the Stairs”
Step 1: Step 4: Step 9: Step 15:
As a conservative, I could never date an extrovert
Their socialism is just too much
Hey dad, how do you feel?
I feel with my hands. That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich Me: sure Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.
I was sitting at a bar and asked the bartender where I could find a piece of ass
He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks. So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy. After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Having sex with my wife." He said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was your wife." and I said "Neither did I till you shined a light on her."
A monkey is smoking a joint
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says "Hey, what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint. Come up and join me" So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard "What's the matter with you!?" The lizard explains that he was up in the tree, smoking a joint with the monkey and his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The monkey looks down and says "OMG! DUUUUDE …. HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?!"
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A – meano -acid
“I can’t ever see you again. I won’t let you hurt me like this again. Abuse is never OK.”
Trainer: It was one sit up. You did one sit up.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Just so everybody’s clear…
I'm going to put my glasses on..
Why couldn’t the blind man see his friends?
Because he was married
What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
They’re, there, their.
Why did Tesla read newspapers?
To know about current events.
An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome
An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks the clerk: Time traveler: Do you have XL togas? Clerk: Well, yes. But why do you need so many?
Why is the letter B so cool?
Because it’s sitting in the middle of the AC
A dyslexic man walked into a bra
No text found
Republicans trying to find just 1 witness willing to defend Trump’s innocence under oath
https://ift.tt/37jeC5j
If cold tea is called iced tea, and cold coffee is called iced coffee, what do you call cold ink?
… well then take a shower.
My girlfriend left me because I stole her wheelchair…
but I knew she'd come crawling back.
My friends claim I’m the cheapest person they ever met
I'm not buying it
What is a thousand times better than instagram?
Instakilogram
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship
As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
I just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday.
I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
