I think it’s just all in her head (I can’t believe it took me this long to find this subreddit, I love it! BTW first attempt at a dad joke!)
If it gets any worse, I guess I’ll have to let her in.
Getting fresh cuts and shaves. They’re sitting right next to each other. Everyone is on edge; nobody is saying a word. Trump’s shave finishes first and the barber asks if he wants aftershave. Trump smells it and says “No way! That stuff smells like a whorehouse! I go home smelling like that and Melania’s going to think I was up all night fucking whores bigly! It will get me in so much trouble!” Obama’s shave finishes and his barber asks Obama if he wants aftershave. Obama says, “Sure! My wife doesn’t know what a whorehouse smells like.”
If you don't clean your house, you'll get a dirty lair.
Who’s there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin’ they hatin’
If it drowns, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
They'll come through for you in a pinch
…but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
sadly none of them work.
With great powder comes great responsability
I gave it a lot of shit this morning (Long time stalker, heres my first dad joke!)
If there’s one more, it would be too farty.
But I doubt they'll ever see any of the money
'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman
The dry erase board is probably the most remarkable
I didn’t show up.
but the punchline doesn't fit, its from another Tupperware joke
Me: Usually to avoid answering questions like these.
Professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kinds of jokes,they all will leave the class as a protest. Somehow the professor heard about the protest. In the next lecture,in the beginning of the lecture he said : "in Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night." All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them : "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the afternoon. "
I was almost productive for a second there!
I told him, "That makes two of us".
Being ugly every day sucks.
But then I screwed up.
She didn't see that well.
It’s an inside joke.