this so deep
The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits don’t exist. The FBI goes in next. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest to the ground, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. That rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in last. They come out a few hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
So they can Scandinavian
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.
You're missing gout.
A boy throws his bag out the window. The teacher asks, “Who just threw that?” The boy says, “Me! I’m going home now.”
Why can’t you just use a sponge?
The shopkeeper gave me 13 instead of the 12, I requested. When I asked him what the last one was for. He told me it was a freebie.
I don’t even touch it
They always take forever to say… ha ha?
"It was pointless."
I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.
… condensed milk.
When he was finished, he said to the farmer, "That's all fifty sheep!" Confused, the farmer said, "But I only have forty-eight sheep." The sheepdog replied, "I know. I rounded them up!" courtesy of my desktop dog calendar I got last xmas
i've only got my shelf to blame….
Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
First time posting here, my grandfather's funeral was yesterday, and in honor of him I thought I would share his favourite joke of all time. My grandfather worked in advertisement, and his favourite jokes had to do with bad advertising. His favourite? Women's dresses, half off. Rest in peace grampie. You'll never be forgotten.
post our home made sex tape on PornHub, saying she couldn’t stand the thought of all those strangers masturbating over it. So I put it on Facebook instead.
A garbage truck
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings. At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs. 'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.' The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out. 'Spider, walk left' The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced. 'Spider, move right.' The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe. The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence. 'Move left' The spider didn't move. 'Move right' Nothing. Forward, backward, no response. 'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
he is immediately disqualified.
They both run to the door barking wildly.
Don't you think they are taking "Social Distancing" a bit too seriously?
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him
Someone who is fed up with people.
He had reptile dysfunction
He made a grave mistake.