This sub in a nutshell
How many people can you fit on a motorcycle in Rio de Janeiro?
About two Brazilian
I saw an all-male choir performing on the weekend. I said…
…"There are 99 people in that choir." My son, who was with me, asked, "Wow dad! How did you count them so quickly?" I replied, "They are singing "Africa" by Toto. It's something that a hundred men or more could never do."
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough
I’ve just handed in my Too weak notice.
What kind of medical condition causes wrinkles clothes?
An iron deficiency.
I tried to tell some of my vaccinated friends a joke about measles.
But they just didn't get it.
A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.
He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?" "For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies. "That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony. He extends his hand and says "Shake!" The pony promptly performs the trick. The man produces another dollar. "Play dead!" The pony collapses to the ground, then gets up after a little while. "How about a tougher one?" the man says and puts another dollar in the jar. "What's eleven minus five?" The pony stomps with a hoove six times. "This is incredible" he exclaims. The guy continues to add dollar after dollar to the jar while the pony performs every trick or task without a fault. After a while the guy runs out of single dollar bills and turns to the man and says: "Sir, that is one incredible animal you have there, is there anything it can't do?" "He can't sing" the man replies. The guy considers this for a bit. "Why can't he sing" the guy asks. The man looks him in the eye. "He's a little horse."
I got the words “jacuzzi” and ” yakuza” confused.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents." The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don't have a car." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can't seem to do anything about it." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee." The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?" "Oh, hell no, he's as white as you and me!" Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce? "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can't communicate with me."
My son said he wanted to become a pyromancer.
I told him it's much easier to woo a cake.
I was in a mosh pit with a load of Muslims.
It was Khanage.
Today my doctor told me I was colorblind.
The results came completely out of the purple…
What’s the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What concert costs $0.45?
A 50 cent and nickelback concert.
I had a pun about insanity
but then I lost it.
What’s the warmest part of a room?
The corners. They’re 90 degrees.
#textblob #python #translator Spell Checker & Languages Translator pro…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcgtoxRXnRk&feature=share
What do you call a group of introverts?
A paradox.
Can’t believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick
How low can ya go
Once you’ve seen one shopping center……
You’ve seen the mall.
I invented a new word
Plagiarism
I don’t want to sound racist but…
Everyone in the KKK looks the same to me…
My name is David and I had my ID stolen the other day.
Now they just call me Dav.