This will never go stale so donut try to tell me otherwise
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”. I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”
They're way too kneady…
I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.
It only feels like a maternity!
8 ball: i’m a pile of cocaine, what the hell do you think?
I thought to myself. That's a funny way to start a conversation.
Therapist: So what brought you two here? Wife: I just hate how he takes things so literally? Therapist: What about you? Husband: A car.
It was lit
Now it's a Ford Focus
I said, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so." I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: “Yes.”
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine replied, "Yes, sir!"
Unexpected item in the Baggins area.
But the judge didn't see it that way.
Me: Technically I can’t.
No Questions asked
A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la
Or on Earth.
Running out of gas!
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction.
You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, now in quarantine You can dance, you can jive, but you can’t go outside See that girl, watch that scene, but only through a screen
CHARLIE: That’s wondrous! WONKA: Now, first thing will be handling this PR crisis. CHARLIE: Wait, wha- WONKA: A lot of kids just died in your factory, Charlie. And there’s a rumor that you apparently own slaves? Edit: credit for this amazing joke https://mobile.twitter.com/WenzlerPowers/status/1181625842885124096?s=20&utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Lovely woman, useless surgeon…
It's got a lot to do today
Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.