This would have been legendary
Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him. Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked. The monk replied "religious reasons." The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, but why do you need to repair fences?" "Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading. Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out… The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here". The BBC TV reporter asked that the beheading be television so that even when she was dead, her face was still on TV. The British SAS soldier asked to be kicked three times in the arse hard. As the SAS soldiers request was unusual, ISIS decided to carry his request out first. As the kick landed, the SAS soldier pulled a hidden 9mm Glock pistol out of his smock, shot three terrorists dead. He then grabbed one of the fallen terrorists AK47s and shot dead the rest of the terrorists. The other two prisoners were amazed, and asked why he requested to be kicked three times before he drew his weapon. "Because" said the soldier "When we get back to the UK. I don't want you fucking pair of politically correct clowns saying it was an "unprovoked attack"..
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
Guardians of the Galaxy
I don’t know how much she charges,
Because they are always stuck at C. 🐟🦑🐙
It was bread in captivity.
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10" I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
I've seen him a few times here and there on local streets. I thought to myself "I bet he never gets too-tired."
Now he's a branch manager.
Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. "Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!" The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h…how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied: "Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
It went up without any problems, but I was worried the whole time that it would insult me. because it was so offensive.
I really don't know what else he wants to see.
But really it was just him putting words in my mouth.
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
You make a flowchart
He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"
I’m beginning to suspect they got someone else
I tried to picture her in my head and it broke my neck.
… for 20 seconds. … And only once.
I said, "Sorry I'm late." They said, "You're hired"
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
She said hardback? I said yeah with a little head.
I said maybe