thought it belonged here
Because I got one stuck in my ass a couple years ago and me, my family and doctor still remember it vividly
Because it's the scenter
My climbing partner didn’t appreciate it Edit: platinum 2 mins after posting. Thank you! Edit 2: It’s raining platinum, hallelujah! Thank you everyone!
It really means a lot to them.
I suggest you watch all documentaries this way.
I'm not sure either. Sir Cough I guess.
But, I just didn't have the patients…
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner… unannounced at 7:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in. Wife: My hair and makeup aren’t done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I am still in my pyjamas and and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home? Husband: Because he is thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo!
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Some lady got her nipple pierced. And I got banned from playing darts.
We only do hare cuts.
On the other hand, everything is OK
One is meteor ☄️
But I prefer sitting
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
…but his brother Frank was a monster.
Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes steal from the Temple." The Islamic imam says, "my sin is gluttony. At least once a week I go to the liquor store for a six-pack and then head to McDonalds in the middle of the night and get a big bag of Big Macs, Bacon cheese burgers and fries and eat and drink it all while sitting in the parking lot." The Baptist minister says, "My greatest sin is gossip and I can't wait to get back to town!"
Holding cows together
When suddenly it dawned on me
She said, “Where would you find the time?” I said, “That should be easy. Next to the sage.”
Tell him Obama put it in
As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow. I tried.
American: Have you seen the Titanic? Canadian: What's that about? American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.
Because once they had a fight and 71.
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back.
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It’s literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I’m sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill? Dead ant… dead ant… dead ant dead ant dead ant… dead ant dead ant….
You add Spring water.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
I decided to give it a shot.
It's not hard
The word "ma" can mean either "mother" or "horse", depending on the tone you use. This can get you into all sorts of embarrassing situations. Like the time I inadvertently asked a man if it was okay to fuck his mother.