Thought this belongs here..
The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick. He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?" The doctor replies… "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."
Comes great response ability.
if you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend
He went ice skating before it was cool.
A moosician. This joke was proudly brought to you by a six year old. He’ll be a great dad one day.
Why can't this flight attendant understand that?
and discovers that his friend has turned into an arrangement of shapes closely fitted together, forming a repeated pattern without any gaps or over-lapping. “What happened?” he asks, mortified. “I came here to see if you were self-isolating and…” “Oh shucks!” said the friend, “I thought you told me to self-tesselate!”
But then he got bi with a little help from his friends.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of "in" is.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?" "Is that you, Frank?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course" I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again" "Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?" "No — I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona ."
I know, it's gross, but we can only cum on prosthetic legs. Anyway, our last three-way with an amputee, we both prematurely came on her real toes! I had to politely ask the girl, "Can we start over? I feel like we got off on the wrong foot."
Now it’s a Ford Focus
The correct term is "Turd World Countries".
So I got a cake -Mitch Hedberg
A laughing stock
Me: because the police force is a fascist institution designed to protect the wealthy Cop: there's a man in your trunk Me: yea a 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 man
To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.
Let's just say…the steaks are high.
While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the situation, and the daughter’s date says, “I can get the peanut out.” He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father’s nose, and tells him to blow hard. The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear. After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, “Isn’t he smart? I wonder what he plans to be.” The father says, “From the smell of his fingers, I’d say our son-in-law.”
The former is a latter and the latter is a former.
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I said, "you're full of crap"
Way to leave me hanging guys
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
"Soy milk" "Hola milk, soy padre"
A grandpa joke
Until I got kicked out of the library
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
Because you don't just shop at one store, you shop at THEM-ALL
She has the worst stutter ever.
“Pop” goes the weasel.
Silly question, every child knows that.
How do you ruin a joke?
But I can see where you are coming from.