Thoughts?
I was going to tell a joke about Noble gases,
But I knew I'd get no reaction.
What’s the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth.
What do you call a crocodile that is a detective?
An investi-gator
Dracula told me to bow in his presence, you could say I was…
Down for the count
A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery.
He charged one and let the other one off.
distance raptor over time raptor equals…
VELOCIRAPTOR -heehee physics jokes
#644: A woman goes to buy a parrot.
The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks "Why is the last one so cheap?" "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too. When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Dave, haven't seen you for weeks!"
What do Alexander the great and Winnie the pooh have in common?
Same middle name
I take a ruler to bed with me every night….
…so in the morning I can find out how long I slept.
The cashier scanned my condoms then asked if I needed a bag.
I said, "Naw, she isn't that ugly."
My grandfather was gravely ill and his doctor suggested coating his body with Crisco.
He went downhill really fast after that.
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
![[OC] Guess The Pun #50: Dance like No Bun is Watching](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/no_image_card-28-400x247.png)
Asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.
Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
A man goes to a doctor
A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks." "I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked. "That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!" "Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded. "Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him. The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can." I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I’d say your leg appears to be broke in three places."
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility
If only they could see me now!
Are your kids twins?
A very loud, unattractive, mean, nasty woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe someone would fuck you twice …"
Spiderman saves the day with help of a sad joke.
https://ift.tt/32dkF7K
All the girls in a classroom were upset by Little Eddy!
After months of enduring his foul language and sexual innuendoes in class, the girls decide to walk out of the class in protest in case Eddy says anything sexual or offensive. Class starts and the teacher says: "OK kids, today's subject will be buildings and construction. Who can tell me how buildings are made?" The class remains quiet, then little Eddy raises his hand and says "Madam, I know". The teacher says, "OK Eddy, please explain." Eddy: "Well, first before anything you need a permit from the city for the construction project to begin, that could take months. Once you get the permit, then come the bulldozers to basically dig into the earth to create the foundation. Then, cement is poured into the foundation and pylons are inserted. Around the pylons, the outer structure of the building is made, floors, walls, ceilings.Then comes wiring and plumbing. Next drywall can be installed along with flooring and fixtures. When all is said and done, you still have to get an occupancy permit from the city before you can actually use the building. The class remains quiet. The teacher says: WOW Eddy! Bravo, that was amazing, how did you learn all that? Eddy: For the past many months, just a few doors down from our house, they have been building what I think is a huge whore house, I've watched the whole thing from start to finish. At that moment, all the girls suddenly get up and start to walk out. Eddy looks around and says: Woah woah woah, girls sit down, they are still waiting for the permit!
In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber…
Now, it won't crash, it'll just go, "Boeing Boeing Boeing!"
I can’t believe how many people don’t understand erectile dysfunction.
I mean, it's not hard.
Did you hear about the dad who swapped genders and now no one can find him?
He became trans-parent.
Warning, this is a huge spoiler
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0699/6735/products/mini-wing-spoiler_copy_x1400.jpg?v=1508404270
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
🌽🌽🌽 He was out-standing in his field 🌽🌽🌽
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
I don’t hate ALL of the periodic table.
Just elements of it
