Three girls are in the back seat, their parents are in the front
Girl 1: Mom, why did you name me Violet?
Mother: Oh Violet, your grandmother dropped a violet on your head the day you were born.
Girl 2: Mom, why did you name me Daisy?
Mother: When we were walking out of the hospital the nurse put a daisy on your head.
Girl 3: Jwoandbwoqmsbonbf, whwhsbsowngk
Father: Shut up cinderblock
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate.
It was the father, son, and the goalie host.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
I believe in the vagina like other people believe in God.
I've never seen one before, but I have faith.
Why did the perverted cat get arrested?
Because he got caught watching kitty porn.
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage
Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won't get bored there
Wireless Application Protocol (WAP) is a technical fashionable for accessing information over a mobile wi-fi network.
Wireless Application Protocol (WAP) is a technical fashionable for accessing information over a mobile wi-fi network. A WAP browser is an internet browser for cell gadgets such as mobile phones that makes use of the protocol. Introduced in 1999, WAP completed a few popularity within the early 2000s, but by means of the 2010s it were largely outmoded by more modern-day requirements.https://ift.tt/2pNZFXJ contemporary handset net browsers now fully assist HTML, so they do not need to use WAP markup for web page compatibility, and consequently, maximum are not able to render and display pages written in WML, WAP’s markup language.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fell down a cliff
Bah-dum tssssssss
After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
“You’re running around with another woman—admit it!” she demanded. “What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re the only one here.” That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest. “What are you doing?” “Counting your ribs.”
Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl
Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.
My 7 year old daughter
Driving home from my family's Christmas party. Daughter – Dad, on Friday I need some French fries. Me – confused..why?? Daughter – because it's Fry-day. So proud.
WHAT DO WE WANT?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?! NEEEEYOOOOOOOOW
Did you hear about the kid who kept getting electrocuted ?
His Dad finally grounded him
My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.
I had a medical condition when I was a child, I had to eat soil 3 times a day or I would die.
Really, I was quite lucky my older brother told me about it.
A woman was in some distress one day when she locked herself out of her car.
An army man was walking by in the car park so she waved him over and said "excuse me can you help me, I've locked myself out". "Sure" he says. So he takes off his pants and rubs them against the door and as if by magic the door unlocked. "Wow" said the woman, "how did you do that?" He replies "These are my khakis".
A man’s fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him. Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked the monk replied "Religious reasons." The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?" "Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
There is a new restaurant named Karma
It does not have a menu Because you get what you deserve
I met Mick and Keith backstage. I was rude but efficient.
I flipped two stones with one bird.
a Country Boy visited the City and met a girl in a Bar who invited him back to her house,
When they got there, she undressed and told him to get naked too. She said: "Let's start with a 69" The Country Boy replied: "What's that?" With that she got him into position, and they went at it Within a minute of starting, the City Girl felt a fart coming on She tried holding it back, but she figured the Country Boy was probably enjoying what she was doing to him and just let it rip Less than a Minute later, she felt another one coming on and since he hadn't said anything, let this one out as well After that, the Country Boy pushed her off, got up, and started getting dressed The City Girl, embarrassed, asked "I guess you didn't like that, huh?" The Country Boy said: "No, it was fine, but I just don't think I could take 67 more of those"
What is heck?
It’s where you go if you don’t believe in gosh.
Milk is the fastest liquid
It's pasteurized before you've even seen it
How come Grizzlies never wear shoes?
Why do you think they're always Bearfoot 24/7?
this ad….
https://ift.tt/2MOD46q
I was going to post a time travel joke
But you didn't like it.