Thug life XD XD
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous…
But backwards it’s even more stupid…
Sometimes I go out and commit crimes
Just to feel wanted
Why do pirates love reddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland
Well the flag is a big plus
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, “What’s happening now?”
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!" "So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear. "Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Justice is best served cold…
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater!
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?
-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?
The boss of a mining company is trying to decide which of his 3 sons to promote, so he gives them a test…
He sits them all down and tells them: "There is bound to come a time in this company when you will hit a sudden economic crisis. When these times come you must know how to cut down on expenses and do the best you can with what budget you have. " He then proceeds to give them each 1000 dollars, and tells them that he will come back to the mine in a week, and see which of them have been able to move the most ore with the money they were given. He returns after one week to check up on them, and approaches his oldest son. "How much digging have you been able to do?" He asks "3 tons of ore, father. I used 300 dollars to buy a broken digger, I then used my business contacts to find a mechanic willing to fix it for just 200 dollars if I gave his 5 kids a job. The youth is so desperate for a job this day, they will do 12 hour shifts even for an internship, and I only had to pay them 100 dollars each for a week of work" The father pats his son proudly on the shoulder before moving on to his middle child, asking him how much mining he had been able to do as well. "10 tons of ore, father. I used 100 dollars to run a local ad in the newspaper asking for workers, then took in 75 undocumented immigrants who all brought their own tools and shovels. They're all so afraid of being taken by immigration that they're willing to work for half minimum wage." The father looks skeptically at his son for a while, but notices the massive piles of ore the workers are carrying out, and gives him a nod before carrying on to his youngest son. "How much mining have you been able to do?" Asks the father "35 tons, dad, but I didn't use any of the budget." The father looks at him in awe, his jaw dropping "How were you able to move 35 tons of ore for free!?" "I invited a bunch of conspiracy theorists. They just keep digging deeper and deeper thinking they're going to find something, and every time I tell them to take a break they accuse me of trying to withhold the truth from them!"
I think I will start telling my friends about eating dried grapes
It's all about raisin awareness
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.
It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her. I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, “Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
I never wanted to believe, that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home,
All the signs were there.
Where to buy potassium nitrate Canada
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Y’all might think that old people are boring
But you have to admit, their chairs are rockin'
Listen in the shell, Agustin – Thanks dad, I’ve already downloaded the sea sound app.
https://ift.tt/2Rbu90Z
Was preparing for interview
Was preparing for interview
A guy walks into a library…
A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet." The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."
I find bone puns very
Humerus
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What was the name of the werewolf YouTuber?
Lycan Subscribe
A monk joins a monastery…
…and he’s only allowed to say two words every ten years After the first decade, he goes to the father to say his two words Monk: “bed hard” Father: “okay, I’ll make some changes” Another decade goes by and the monk sees the father Monk: “food bad” Father: “okay, I’ll made some changes” After a third decade, the monk sees the father again Monk: “I quit” Father: “good, because all you’ve done is bitch since you got here”
I was using my drill at work when all of a sudden it heated up so much, it caught fire!
So I called up Dewalt and they said: “not to worry! It’s just a fire drill.” REDDIT! IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!! 😀
How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb really has to WANT to change 😏😏
My uncle posted this on FB with the caption “We could all learn from this guy”
https://ift.tt/2Udc17o
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Trying to write some clean jokes about bowling balls
but they keep ending up in the gutter.
After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils; they dilate.
We have hit 20,000 members! Thank you all!
Firstly I’d like to thank each and every one of you who had joined this subreddit. This subreddit full of memes that I, myself, don’t even understand. 20000 people, that’s just… wow!It is an honour to serve this community and every single one of you members, new or old.Secondly I’d like to say how activity in this subreddit has been at an all time high, we are getting more posts than ever, of course that means more reposts, and posts that break other rules that our subreddit has, but on behalf of the moderation team, I’m here to assure you that we have you covered, we want to make sure you only get the highest quality posts when you look at r/sciencememes.I hope to see you again when we hit our next major milestone.If you ever need me, or any other of the moderation team feel free to use ModMail, if you see a post or comment breaking the rules, don’t be afraid to report them.🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
I hate telling people I’m a taxidermist.
When they ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" I just say, "Oh, you know… stuff."