TIL: A recent study found that the newest strain of head lice is resistant to conventional treatment.
That left scientists scratching their heads.
“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”
I guess I only have my shelf to blame
I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.
It seems she's buy-sexual
I disagree. I clearly have a father figure
After a long while they encounter a huge wall. They try to go around it, over it, but the wall is too high and too long. Out of nowhere, a genie appears. The genie sais: "You must all tell a lie in order to break this wall. The greater the lie, the greater the damage. But beware, each one of you only has one try." The men sink into deep thinking state. After hours of thinking, the Englishman begins: "Us, the english gentlemen, never drink tea with milk." The wall cracks. The American adds: "Us, the american gentlemen never smoke stogies after a hard day of work." Again, the wall cracks. Now all left up to the Scotsman, he takes a deep breath and starts: "Us, the scottish gentlemen-" The wall shatters.
Someone Stole My Anti-Depressants
They're all females, otherwise they'd be uncles
Because water decreases concentration.
Stupid bastard started dancing around the shop.
Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
That percentage is zero. That's a good percentage of Nazi friends to have.
It causes me to start coffin.
He counted: “Uno…” “Dos…” And disappeared without a trace.
I'll let you know.
I guess I need to re-pair it.
I hope you're happy now.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
A boy and his father are walking through the woods. The boys asks, "Father do trees poop?" The father looks at the boy and says "Of course, that's where #2 pencils come from."
From my chemistry teacher; Frank Jr. "Yeah I have the same name as my dad. You want to know his best dad joke? Every time he calls me on the cellphone, he starts the conversation with "listen, I'm gonna be frank with you"
Free of charge.
A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it. " – Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?" " – They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze." " – And what color are you going to wear tonight?" " – Gold, obviously!" " – Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."
They’re straight and white.
Why am i bad at telling jokes?
She’s a mathamachicken…