TIL: A recent study found that the newest strain of head lice is resistant to conventional treatment.
That left scientists scratching their heads.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
That priest is in prison now.
I donโt have a dad body
I have a father figure
What do you call a paralysed gay man?
A tomato, because most people will look at him and see a vegetable, but he's really a fruit.
Thereโs a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of people know this
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.
What’s something only 10 year olds can do?
Turn 11. My kid asked me that question and they clearly had something else in mind, because she was less than enthusiastic about my response.
A child’s laughter is the best thing you can hear.
Unless it's 3 am in your house and you don't have children.
I got a grandmother in her 90’s and she still doesn’t need glasses
she just drinks straight out of the bottle.
Why do Japanese christians offer rice wine to jesus?
For christโs sake
I just saw a woman on horseback.
I never knew horses even got tattoos.
Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice that a man is following them.
Sister Michael, the older and wiser nun, says to the young and naรฏve Sister Patrick, "See that crossroad ahead? You go left and I'll go right: he can't follow us both. We'll meet back at the Abbey." So the sisters part and the man follows Sister Michael. Some time later, Sister Patrick is anxiously waiting at the Abbey when Sister Michael returns alone. "Thank the Lord you are alright!", exclaims Sister Patrick. "But what happened to that man? "Well," replies Sister Michael, "After a few minutes, I stopped and pulled up my dress." Sister Patrick stares in shock. "Then," continues Sister Michael, "he stopped and pulled down his trousers." Sister Patrick gasps. "Oh Sister, why would you let him do that?" "Because," explains Sister Michael, "a nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his trousers down!" Thanks to my English teacher for telling my class this when we were 13.
My wife insists that guys in camouflage look sexy.
I just donโt see it.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
It was horrible, nothing left but de Brie.
My friend went completely bald years ago, but he still carries a comb with him.
He just canโt part with it.
You’ll no longer be able to reuse your 2018 calendars after Wednesday. You’ll be able to reuse it again in 2029. Now with all that being said, you can start reusing your 2019 calendars for the rest of the year starting on Friday.
You’ll no longer be able to reuse your 2018 calendars after Wednesday. You’ll be able to reuse it again in 2029. Now with all that being said, you can start reusing your 2019 calendars for the rest of the year starting on Friday.
What do you call a bisexual person who is single?
They are on standbi
I realized this while watching The Matrix Reloaded
I realized this while watching The Matrix Reloaded
Where does King TโChalla live?
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
I took the rear view mirror out of my car
i haven't looked back since
“Dad Are We Pyromaniacs?”
"Yes we arson…"
Dad
https://ift.tt/2DsYG33
Remember to poop before midnight tonight
You donโt want to be carrying the same shit into the new decade
What did one orphan say to another?
Robin, get in the Batmobile
Why can’t you run through a camp ground?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
I wouldnโt say itโs easy living with erectile dysfunction.
But itโs not hard.
Why do riot police like to go to work early?
To beat the crowd