Tire inflating blows.
He's just not sure that radiocarbon is the most reliable method.
I wish I had a pony.
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she laughed.
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
But the reception was incredible!
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well…?" She replies, "My son is a charismatic, 6'2", hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God."
the wedding wasn't much to speak of, but the reception was excellent.
An older man strolled by and saw the boy. He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?" The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old." The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he didn't eat giant candy bars for breakfast did he" The boy shook his head "Nope. he just minded his own fucking business."
It always was my achilles elbow.
A fireman is sitting in front of the station when he sees a little boy coming down the street in a little red wagon. He’s put little ladders on the side and a garden hose is coiled in the front.
The kid is wearing a fireman's helmet and the wagon is tied to a dog and cat who are pulling the wagon. "That sure is a nice fire truck you got there." "Thanks," the boy says. The fireman looks more closely and sees the boy has the wagon tied to the dog's collar and the cat's testicles. As the red wagon stops in front of him, the fireman observes, The fireman says, "Little pardner, I don't mean to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to hook that rope around the cat's collar, I bet he could pull harder." The kid answered, "I know, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Only 1,999 more words to go!!
I don't know but Alaska.
Well, three can play that game!
Hearing it twice. What's funnier than hearing a joke once? Hearing it twice.
They can't have their nose and eat it too.
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
I'd have a pound.
Just heard that Harry is thinking of taking up painting full time after stepping down from the Royal family.
He'll be the artist formerly known as Prince.
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info. Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info. Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell. The 2 other spies asked him “How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy!” The Italian replied: “I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
n a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking
“I want to be President one day.” Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?” The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”
It's grounds for dismissal.
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
…but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
A man sitting in the corner replies, “You won’t have enough bullets”
One was as-salted
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
Grenade actually accomplish something when it triggers. EDIT : NOT FROM USA NOR WHITE
This week? Just about anything.
He said "I see you and I raise you."
It's a virus wich deactivates your spelchek and fcuks up you riting. I receibed it but lukily I don't wach p0rn so I dint opin it. Plees warm you frends Wanks