Tis the season….
Tell them it's almost over
I nearly fell out of my tree.
Crimes against piece
He didn’t even finish his sentence.
Great food, NO ATMOSPHERE
And stayed there my entire childhood
They called it a day
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
Shawn: "Yawn." Shaun: "Yaun." Sean: "Yean."
The bloke made me a full cup and designed the foam to look like the Apple logo. "That's really creative," I said, "I appreciate it." "Thank you sir," he smiled, "That would be £199."
Me: I understand. And for the main course?
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
Because he keeps breaking the record.
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
Therapist: Why ? Patient: Yes!
They take a meteor shower! ☄️
Can't wait for the SQL.
The certificate paid for a visit to a herbalist living nearby, who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After some discussion with his wife, the man made a visit to the herbalist and handed his voucher over wondering what he was in for. The elderly herbalist handed a potion to the man, and with a grip on his shoulder warned him. "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want." Greatly encouraged, the man turned and started to walk away, then stopped and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The herbalist replied, "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." Eager to see if it worked the man went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Hope you all have a great Christmas and wishing you a merry 2014
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?” [NSFW]
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes – meet me in the car park."
One has claws at the end of the paws… The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
Tell him Obama put it in
It’s not much, but it’s a rewarding job
I suggest you watch all documentaries this way.
It causes me to start coffin.
and on the other, your left.
It’s my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes… Why couldn’t the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
Because he was already stuffed… Sorry, I'll do better next year – definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!
Getting her husband's voice juuust right
I'll go on ahead.