To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket.
You can hide, but you can’t run.
The doctor took one look at the woman and all of his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so, he asked her, 'Do you know what I am doing?' 'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.' 'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts. 'Do you know what I am doing now?' he asked. 'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer.' 'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient, and started having sexual-intercourse with her. He asked, 'Do you know what I am doing now?' 'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting herpes, which is why I came to see you in the first place.'
'Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times.'
..until the police came and removed me from the library.
Tools!! I meant tools!! Stupid keyboard…
Thailand.( Credit to my brothers who dosent use reddit).
[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can’t see the bottom of this hole. “I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen….
….nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen….still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try that huge log over there.", says the other. Again, with a struggle, they haul this huge log to the hole, and roll it in. As they wait and listen, and seemingly out of nowhere, a goat runs up and jumps in the hole. As they both look at each other in shock, they hear a tractor coming across the field. Shortly, a farmer arrives, and asks, " Either of you boys seen my goat?". "Yeah!", they both exclaim. "One just came by and jumped in this hole!" The farmer sits back and tells them," No, no. Couldn't have been my goat. My goat was chained to a huge log."
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme…
People say I'm mentally eel.
I have contacts.
Sometimes he laughs.
It's still syncing
so I went home.
Nobody gave me a straight answer
One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!" That was the punch line.
As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved. As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a very skimpy bikini, is walking past. She sees him – a small, limbless blob – out the corner of her eye. He gives her a smile and she smiles back. And then, she starts walking over to him! As she approaches he thinks to himself – “maybe this is it!” She gets nearer and nearer, her smile growing with each step until she is right next to him. She leans down, gives him a big kiss on the cheek, and whispers in his ear: “Have you ever been fucked?” Excitedly, the man responds “no!” The woman replies “well you’re fucked now, mate. The tide’s coming in.”
Because he has herd them all.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
She didn't look pleased so I said "suck in your stomach!" She quickly replied, "that's not going to help" I retorted, "it might let you see the numbers"
it’s the women that make it hard
He sits down, holds up 2 fingers and says, “Five beers please.”
On his way out he said "see you next week". The instructor responded "namaste" , and the redneck said "Oh. Then I'm-a-stayin too".
Well, after 10 years your Job still sucks.
I said, "what's your angle?"