To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word!
But I laugh harder
"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church." The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman. The following day the priest is preparing for a visit from the local bishop. As he is weeding the gardens, he cuts his hand. Calling the nun over he says "there's a bottle of rubbing alcohol in my quarters somewhere, could you fetch it for me?" The nun nods and goes looking for it. It is as the priest is greeting the bishop that she returns from the church and loudly announces "father, don't worry about the weed, the alcohol was under our bed!"
The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I stopped because I wasnt feeling it.
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back. "Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.
Son : "Dad can't you just use a sponge?"
50 cent ft. Nickelback
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We opened for The Doors
He asks his dad to explain government. His dad thinks for a minute, and explains it like this: I am Congress, your mom is the judicial system, your sister is the unemployed, you are the group too young to vote, and the maid is the working class. So that night, little Johnny is trying to figure out what his dad meant, and got up to get a drink. On his way to the kitchen, he watched his sister sneak out of the house with her boyfriend. He grabbed his drink, and on the way back to his room, he saw his dad sneak down to the maid's room. The next morning he tells his dad, so I think I have it figured out. His dad asks, so how do you think it works? Little Johnny says: "The unemployed are out fucking around while Congress is screwing the working class, the judicial system is asleep, and the people too young to vote are watching it all happen…"
He charged one and let the other one off.
It had a really hard time choo choo chooing it’s food.
She said, "That's how it seams"
Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
I don’t know what to make of it.
We are from the south so things are going good.
I said, “is that a fret?”
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
Because Thats The Only Way He Can Hear Me
Then no wonder people are so scared of clowns.
So I packed my bag and right
Because the cow gave him a pat on the back!
Ken came in another box
He shouts, “A beer please! And one for the road!”
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Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."
This post was made by science gang 😎
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused to eat, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.
After that, we never played Monopoly with him again.
We call ourselves Juan Direction
He did a sult-ana
I couldn’t handle it.
But I don’t have enough karma
Tomorrow we begin a 31 day March!