Today I was awakened with oral sex
.It is dangerous to sleep with your mouth open on the subway.
…until the pressure got to him.
I got arrested for a salt!
Because he conditioned it.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully." Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?" God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. There were no accomplices. He acted alone" The conspiracy theorist pauses, thinks to himself, then says "Shit! This goes higher up than I thought…"
nevermind she's back she just went to pee
Never, EVER go back to those two places.
You put a little boogie in it.
Thankfully it was just a virus.
I know because they told everyone within two minutes.
He always leaves you hanging
Only a fraction of people will get it
I don't know, it's not like I have 2020 vision!
I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well.
But this year I've turned it around, I'm miserable and depressed
"Both , now get in the van ."
I mined my own business.
I have a hunch it might be me.
"Use the fork Luke"
…before it cinq. "Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence. "Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres. "One," radioed the British ship before it went two. "Won," radioed the American sub.
You hang around here, I’ll go on ahead.
Send them some spam
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater!
We just clicked!
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
Because it got mugged
So I took her to dinner, then a movie and dropped her off at her parents' house
It was a moment of brief indecision.