Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise
He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
I don’t know how you sleep at night
The plot thickens.
We'll see about that…
They're so full of themselves…
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
“Susan?” “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!” “Very good. What about you, Johnny?” “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”
Now I’m clean
However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.
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It was a complete waist of time…
But then it grew on me
He responded, “can’t complain.”
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
We are all capable of it, but it takes a deranged individual to actually go through with it.
-Whom, sweetheart? -Dante the mailman. -Dante the mailman? But he could be your father! -But mom, age is just a number. -Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.
It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
But everyone’s cool about it and he’s served his drink. Then, after a few minutes he says, “Hey, bartender; wanna hear a blonde joke?” The place goes dead still. Finally the bartender says, “Look, mister, I know you’re visually challenged and all; I’m gonna cut you some slack. But there’s a few things you should know. “Sitting next to you, on your right, there’s an off-duty cop. She’s armed, and she’s a blonde. On your left you got a martial arts expert with black belts in seven different disciplines. She’s a blonde. At the table behind you, two sisters: a professional wrestling team. Both are blondes. And me, I got a .357 Magnum under the counter. I’m licensed, trained, and it’s loaded. And, you guessed it: I’m a blonde. “So I want you to choose your words carefully before you answer this question: do you still want to tell that blonde joke?” “Aw hell no. Not if I have to explain it five times!”
Because change comes from within.
You have to urn it
The second hand store.
…there will be hell toupee.
It's my second language
Because I put them on his bedroom window.