She looked surprised.
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction.
Well, that was a trip down memory lane.
Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.
It was a coughee cake.
Professor X: "What's your power?" JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters." Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
A family of buffalo are sending their boy off to kindergarten. The teary-eyed mom is hugging her kid.
Dad just waves and says, "Bison".
Because they can't keep a straight face
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters. Wife: Never H: Pistol, 3 letters. W: Gun H: Disgust, 3 letters. W: Ugh H: Charity, 4 letters. W: Give H: Female sheep, 3 letters W: Ewe H: Pixar movie, 2 letters W: Up
People start to spreadsheet about you. . . . . (I'll show myself out).
I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”
He looked bewildered and replied, "Who, me?"
Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?" Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.
He looks down and says "Man, my wife is gonna be so pissed I puked on myself again" Guy next to him says "Do what I do, I put 10 dollars in my pocket and when my wife sees me, I tell her some asshole at the bar puked on my and gave me the 10 dollars to have it cleaned" The drunk guy thinks this is an awesome solution and proceeds to get home. His wife is waiting for him and starts yelling at him "You got drunk and puked on your shirt again, didn't you?" The guy says "No, what happened is that I was at the bar and this guy puked on me, but he put 10 dollars in my shirt pocket so I can have it cleaned" Wife reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out 2 $10 dollar bills and says "This is not 10 dollars, this is 20!" Guy says "Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too"
I'm an only child 🙁
Their words, not mine.
She looked surprised.
Fine, suture self.
(In honor of my cake day, the one that makes my kids groan the most) When I die, I want to go like my grandfather: in my sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car he was driving at the time.
I've never run so far in my life.
and it's fucking discussing.
A small medium at large
You use a sea saw!
Guess she’s homeless.
Before work, during work, and after work.
Me: who’s this guy? Grandpa: he’s my hip replacement
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee