Trolley Go Brrrrrrrrrrr
I don't know why
The mirror: you should see yourself right now The echo: meh, I've heard it all before.
My mom looked at my dad. My dad clenched his fists. My mom screamed: "NO DON'T DO IT" …. My dad, breathing heavily: "HI GAY, I'M DAD!"
She had to. We only had one chair.
but I partied like it's $19.99.
…yet there is deco everywhere already!
Turned out it was just a stereo type.
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed. Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
… unless they're flashing behind you.
A private tutor
Because they aren't lion
They don’t fuck around.
As fur away as you can get.
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad" Wife: "No you're not…."
This is going to be the first year that I haven’t taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.
Usually it is due to lack of money
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless.
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A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.
Hindsight is 2020
It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.
But when I do, he laughs.
Remains to be seen.
They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'.
At first everyone is dubious, but after the man clarifies he means complete grammatically correct sentences, and they make sure there are no hidden devices on the dog, several bets are made. The man: Well, Charley? Charley lifts his paw. The man: Charley, come on, say something. Charley barks once. The man: Charley, what is it, now? Say something in English. Charley clearly doesn't understand what the man wants from him and is getting visibly nervous. Finally the man has to give up, pays the lost money, and leaves with Charley. After walking a few blocks in the rain the man asks sadly: "Why did you do that?" "Just imagine how much we're going to win there tomorrow."
Random dad: How can I help you? Man: Call me an ambulance! Random dad: You're an ambulance
60s kids: Grandma called. 70s kids: Gramps called. 80s kids: Granny called. 90s kids: Grandmother called. Kids now: Boomerang.
I hate being a teacher.
Because they go waaaaaay back.