…is fed up with people.
The doctor replies “I know, I amputated your arms.”
A Popesicle! Get it? Because it's holy. My kids didn't get it either…
I woke up exhausted.
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
She said yes, so I ran my finger across her lip and that's how the fight started.
He lets a little scream out and look at his father, dumbfounded. "Don't be shocked, son. Everybody does this. Soon, you will do it too." "But… Why, daddy?" "Because my hands are starting to ache"
Flywaii (please don't down vote me too much, my 6 year old daughter made up this joke and wanted me to post it).
I lost my case
He got pissed at me because he was trying to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.
A "roamin" Catholic.
I’ve never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.
Become a Catholic priest and get them now.
I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."
"Cock, a doodle do."
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
It’s about time.
Because they’re straight up with each other.
I think she’s planning to watch the highlights later.
I found a wallet and there was a fresh 100 dollar bill. I asked myself, what would have Jesus done? So I turned it into wine.
I dunno but I really do hope that thing doesn't bite…
It ended up making him sluggish.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Not what you're thinking
Because, it has two shifts.
So I made her stand in front of a deep fat fryer.
Because he conditioned it.
None. They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Woman: What’s this? Man: It’s a lime. Woman: Would you mind moving it somewhere else? The man says, “No problem.” But then seems to have real difficulty in lifting it from the table. Woman: Is everything ok? Man: It seems like I’m terrible at pick up limes.
He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out! The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world." The Genie goes "poof" and suddenly the man's face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, "I should have taken the money".