I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that he’s a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, “Well, I’m not Happy!”
I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.
She looked surprised!
You would think “R,” but it’s actually the “C.”
Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left? A. 499 Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why? A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How? A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why? A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky
But only if everyone gets them
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
1) 2) 3)
My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
It really makes my day.
It’s almost like I’m addicted to heroine.
Because he was too far out man
In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel. As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel… you know how to fish."
A Popesicle! Get it? Because it's holy. My kids didn't get it either…
Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold!
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
A fishing pole
St. Peter asks the first guy if/how many times he had cheated on his wife. He answers twice. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Honda Civic. The second guy gets asked the same question and he responds once. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Harley Davidson. The third guy gets asked the same question as the first two people and responds never. St. Peter says, “Good job staying faithful,” and hands him the keys to a Rolls Royce. A little while later while riding the streets of Heaven the first guy in the Honda Civic rolls by the third guy in the Rolls Royce. The first guy notices the third guy crying and asks, “Why are you crying, you are enjoying your after life in a Rolls Royce, while I am stuck in a Honda Civic.” The third guy responds, “I am crying because I saw my wife, she was on a skateboard.”
The second hand store.
It’s the weight and c approach I guess
I’m an eighthiest
but it was actually just 'some bees'
The vicar says, "We don't want your sort in here!" The Higgs-boson particle says "But you can't have mass without me!"
Q: what did the scientist say when they found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him. Robin Hood: "HALT!" "I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!" Peasant: "I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see" Robin Hood: "Very well then poor man, take this!" Robin Hood gives the poor man a sack, filled to the brim with gold coins. He then fades away into the forest. The peasant stares in disbelief, exclaiming: "I can't believe it, I'm Rich!" "HALT!"
Good thing I opened the garage door first.
"May I say a word?" Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora" "The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."
Now every little ting is gonna be all right!
It was all bark and no bite.