Trumpists can’t take the truth!
A rabbi and a priest wanted to go for a swim at the beach, but did not have bathing suits with them…
The priest turns to the rabbi and says "why don't we just swim naked, there's no one around, and we'll keep it between ourselves". The rabbi sees no problem with the idea, and agrees. Once naked, the rabbi and the priest start walking towards the water, when suddenly out of nowhere seemingly a group of children appear on the beach. The priest quickly takes his hands and covers his penis, while the rabbi uses his hands to cover his face. Later, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks "why did you cover your face and not your penis when those kids showed up on the beach?" The rabbi responds "father, I don't know about you, but my congregation knows me by my face".
Then why did my girlfriend get pregnant even though we didn’t have sex?
He was a little chili.
He was afraid of capitalism.
Please answer quickly
Oh well, hindsight is 1.
It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
At first I thought she was kidding, but apparently she's sirius.
It makes me say thing I don't nintendo.
It’s an inside joke.
"Who is there?" "Grandma!" "Grandma wh-, HOLY SHIT STOP THE FUNERAL!"
A hockey player showers after three periods.
Don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time…
Police are working Tirelessly to catch him.
She’s probably just pulling your leg.
Cop: You are the lawyer. Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
Unless everyone gets them
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything
So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women turning.
My wife said I did a half ass job applying sunscreen
Those kniving bastards.
you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
A moosician. This joke was proudly brought to you by a six year old. He’ll be a great dad one day.
A man takes his seat at the Superbowl. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the Superbowl?” The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five Superbowls together, but sadly she passed away.” The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?” The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."
Should have put the oven on aloha setting!
but she did migrate to California in 1849.
One of them turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing?"