Apparently the paper was jamming.
Just learned about this shower thing, pretty cool
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis. Edit: *Father Edit: * LADDER!!!! Dammit.
The closer you get to the butt the more intense the flavor.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
…you need to let that mango.
The Canadian bartender says, "what's that about?" Man says, "yes."
I won’t rest until I find it.
A little boy came running up to me and pleaded, “Please help! My daddy is in a fight!” I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, “Which one’s your dad?!”
He shouted, "I don't know! That's what they're fighting about!"
which is fitting cause I have no idea what DIVOC is going on
Me: Of course. That’s how we get Number 2 pencils.
It's gotten so bad that I had to take his bike away.
Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'. Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
So you care about the wall
Bond. James bond.
Sometimes it hurts and most women can't handle it.
It was the wurst.
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”
But on the plus side,…it still works.
[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
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Weird way to start a conversation.
I once lived a stone's throw away from a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.
Because dogs can't whistle!
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work…
And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!" But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning. Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgiving morning when she got up early to get things ready, she got an idea while preparing the turkey. Before Bob got up, she crept upstairs and placed the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself as she did so. A little later that morning, Bob woke up and went through his usual morning ritual with glee. Martha heard a scream as Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn't reappear from the bathroom for a long time she started to get concerned. So she ran upstairs and was just about to knock on the bathroom door, when Bob opened it and came out, pale as a ghost. He said, "You were right, honey, you were right! I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again!"
What is the difference between Beer nuts and Deer nuts? Beer nuts are about $1.98 and deer nuts are under a buck
I woke up exhausted
Nothing, it stands for nothing.
It's cutting edge technology.
but when I do, he laughs.
The bartender replies, “you need to buy a beer first.” So the guy buys a beer, and asks again, “what’s the WiFi password?” The bartender replies, “you need to buy a beer first, all lowercase, no spaces or punctuation.”