Trying to delete system folders
I guess we'll know when the time comes.
Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!
3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them “I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.”
Terrible joke. 3 stars.
In case I get a hole in one…
Because the p is silent.
Me: That’s when I went to Yale. Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired. Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
After about six months their boss comes up to them and says that he is very pleased with their work, that they're exemplary emloyees and that he is very happy to have them. He also says that the cleaning lady has vanished a couple of days ago and asks if they happen to know anything about that. "No sir" says the head canibal. "OK" says the boss and leaves them be. "Alright" says the head canibal when the boss has left "Who did it?!" "I did!" one of them admits. "You idiot! We've been having fifty different types of manager in the past six months and nobody batted an eye! You had to eat the one person in this office that actually gets any work done!"
The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head. One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child’s name. The priest said “I don’t know his name, but his face rings a bell.”
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
I'll let you know.
The Australians. They asked you to take a “proper gander over there”
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
One day he got so angry, he just flipped.
By then he’s a mile away, you have got his shoes, and your can fucking say whatever you want about the cunt.
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves…
So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?” The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
Looking at it now, I see why.
Because you don't just shop at one store, you shop at THEM-ALL
Add spring water.
"Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are sucked right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets sucked in. Inside he hears noises. "Is someone else in here?" he asks. "Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says. "Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says. "Hell," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart. In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
So I had to hire a bounty hunter.
If you mix a lion and a tiger you get a liger. If you mix a horse and a donkey you get a mule. What happens when you mix an orangutan and a lawyer?
Nothing. The lawyer doesn't have enough human DNA.
Their words, not mine
His wife: You are late.You said you would be home by 11:45 pm. Man:(Casually) I said i would be home by a quarter of 12.
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves…
Looks like the boa cons tricked her…
Restaurant in peace.