Wanna hear a HIPAA joke?
Sorry, I can't tell you.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
Did you hear about the sarcastic weightlifter?
He liked to pump irony.
I went to a zoo today which only had a dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.
The guys who wrote the song “Maneater” started a horse-feed delivery service.
They called it "Haulin' Oats."
I want to hear 99 people sing ‘Africa’ by Toto.
It’s something that a hundred men or more could never do.
Got this from my grandmother today, even had the forwarded remark on Whatsapp
https://ift.tt/2y0m0Wh
How did 10 die ?
It was in the middle of 9/11.
I am scared of E minor.
It gives me the E B G Bs
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
Remains to be seen!
I’m so tired of jokes about gay people
I mean come on guys
It’s only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation
About 1,375 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil…
Don't even get me started on baby oil
Why did the sperm cross the road
I put on the wrong sock this morning.
My dad first talked to me about sex when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist." "Dad," I said, "I have condoms." And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
Queue is just one letter followed by four silent letters
They must be waiting for their turn.
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
A man killed his lifelong friend
He was charged with homiecide
Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.
For example: Ben is in a hurry. Vs Ben is in a comma
Accidentally gave my girlfriend a gluestick instead of chapstick.
She still isn't talking to me.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it
What do you call a spinning potato?
A ro-tator!
Why did the slave go to college?
So he could pickup his Master's degree.
They told me I’d never be good at poetry cause I’m dyslexic.
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they are lovely.
If Medusa, King Midas, and Oedipus raised a child together
That would be one stone, gold motherfucker
Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?
Because they stick. I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.
Oops sorry. Wrong bus.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
Student 1: My name is Tom Archer because my ancestors were making bows and arrows.
Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers. Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.