Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers
"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Ah, this one got me good 😀
a man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”
the doctor said “I know you can’t, i’ve cut off your arms!
After a procedure… Doctor: Avoid strenuous activity for the next two weeks
Me: Can I play piano? Doctor: Yes you can. Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a risk I was willing to take.
My teacher says I’m pretty good at addition but I’m terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.
What does ED stand for?
Nothing, it stands for nothing.
My friend drowned in a vat of varnish. He had a terrible end,
but a lovely finish.
My wife asked my if sex has changed since I got my vasectomy
I just tell her I hadn't noticed a vas deferens
So a teenage boy asks a girl out to prom
He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo. So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo. Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo. On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building! So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?" So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what? There's no punchline.
I was watching Jurassic park the other day,
when I thought, “Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he’s also a shit driver”.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish
You know Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same,
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
What do you call a zombie father?
The walking dad
I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing
It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
There’s an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.
![Change [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/qheno87cw8w21-400x600.jpg)
I didn’t lose my virginity til I was 23…
other than that, prison wasn’t too bad.
I don’t trust stairs
They’re always up to something
A genie asked, “What’s your first wish?” Steve answered, “I wish I was rich!” And the genie said…
"What’s your second wish, Rich?"
Which organ do you need to live?
The liver.
I was reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome the other day.
It was really bad to begin with, but by the end I quite liked it.
Is Google male or female?
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
I recently took a pole
I found out that 100% of people in the tent were mad when it collapsed.
Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House…
Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt. The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it. Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're my driver, and apologize." A while later, the man returns, seeming incredibly satisfied. Trump asks how the family reacted, but the driver said they seemed in good spirits and even gave him some of their dinner. Back on the road, the driver hits another pig that wandered onto the road. He goes and tells the farmer's family, but when he comes back, he says the family was overjoyed and gave him a bottle of liquor. The driver hits a third pig that was on the road, but this time, Trump secretly follows him to see why the people would be so happy. When the farmer comes to the door, the driver announces, "I'm President Trump’s driver, the pig is dead!"
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
“This is your captain speaking,
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
Two years ago, my doctor told me that I was going deaf
I haven’t heard from him since
