U Know
People say circumcision doesn’t hurt, but i have to disagree.
I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.
My friend is spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic.
Well, three can play that game!
What is the opposite of adulting?
Just kidding.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar
Ahhh, those were the days.
What would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?
There would be mass confusion.
When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
My friend sent me this and after 2 days of research I have no clue what it means
My friend sent me this and after 2 days of research I have no clue what it means
There was a little boy who needed $10 and he prayed to God for two weeks to get the money…
But nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God to ask for the $10. When the post office was to sort out the boy's letter addressed to 'God, America', they decided to deliver it to President Donald Trump. The President was impressed, touched and entertained by the boy's letter. He told his secretary to send $2 to the boy. The President thought it would be a lot of money for the little boy. The boy was happy to receive money from God, so he sat down to write a thank-you note that read: Dear God, thank you for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it via Washington, and as usual, the devils took 80% of it!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me. Edit: Thanks so much!! This is my first award!
What’s a happy cowboy’s favorite candy?
Jolly ranchers
![[Image] This sign should be at every Little League field](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/x5wf1Q2-400x711.jpg)
I recently found out the medical name for Viagra
Mycoxaflopin
Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500
I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship
If you commit 90 sins, you will only be caught for half of them.
Because sin90 = cot45.
Bad knock-knock joke #1
Knock, knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
Me : *washing car with son*
Son : "Dad can't you just use a sponge?"
A man with 5 legs put on pants
They fit like a glove
Don’t be sarcastic with a kleptomaniac.
They take everything literally
A defribilator almost never fails, when it did…
No One was shocked
As much as you might move around an envelope
It'll always be stationery.
Whenever I undress in the bathroom..
My shower gets turned on.
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed….
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed …. Bill's wife was not wearing any panties! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on Friday. Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.
My friend told me I have no idea what irony is
Which is ironic, because we were both waiting for the bus.
A police officer pulls a man for speeding
Po: Sir im gonna have to write a ticket but i will give you a chance by answering a trivia question. Guy: Lets do this Po: There are two headlights coming from the end of the street. What is it? Guy: Its a car!! Po: Sure but is it a kia, is it a mazda? That was wrong but ill give you one more chance. There is one headlight coming down the street. What is it. Guy: Its a motorbike !!! Po: Sure but is it bmw , is it suzuki? Sorry man im gonna have to proceed with the ticket Guy: Hey give me one last chance. Ill ask you an easy trivia question and if you get it right go ahead and finish the ticket Po: Ok go Guy: Theres a lady at the corner of the street very late at night. She is wearing a mini skirt and a very tight blouse while waving and talking to men in cars. What is she? Po: She is a whore dude… Guy: Sure but is it your wife, is it your sister?
Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with…
I keep asking people what LGBT stands for.
No ones given me a straight answer.
The snow yeti stopped doing sas-squats and started doing sit ups.
Now he's the Abdominal Snowman.
