# Umm…. that was called SARS

## Physics is full of problems

And chemistry is full of solutions

## A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”

The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq.” The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t want to go to Iraq either…

## I’m terrified of 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too

## What is the difference between Inlaws and Outlaws?

Outlaws are Wanted…

## What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

## A man takes his wife to get tested

Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor. The doctor tells him, “Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer’ The man, clearly frustrated, asks, “Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?” The doctor calmly suggests, “I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don’t let her in.”

## What’s a group of Chubby newborns called?

Heavy Infantry

## Why was the Genie angry?

Because someone rubbed him the wrong way.

## There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics…

It's the best thing since sliced beard…

## The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work

She must have called in thick

## What did pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant. Deadant deadant deadant, dead ant, DEAD AAAANT. Deadant.

## I am on day 9 of quarantine and was wondering if anyone had any porn sites they’d like to recommend other than:

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r/pornvids r/nsfw_videos Meet People r/dirtysnapchat Other NSFW r/randomactsofblowjob r/NSFWFunny r/pornhubcomments r/confusedboners r/dirtykikpals r/nsfw_wtf r/randomactsofmuffdive r/stupidslutsclub r/sluttyconfessions r/sextrophies Armpits cause people like that r/armpits r/celebrityarmpits r/armpitfetish I don’t even know where the fuck this would go section r/dragonsfuckingcars r/SCPORN r/fedlegs r/cummingonfigurines r/dragonbutts r/dragonpussy r/dragonpenis These have gotten boring 😔 Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

## Harry Potter walks into a bar.

Because I put them on his bedroom window.

## My wife asked my if sex has changed since I got my vasectomy

I just tell her I hadn't noticed a vas deferens

## You know, my hen counts her own eggs…

She’s a mathemachicken

## My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day…

I stopped seeing her for a while.

## What did the copper say to the scientist who was going back home

Cu Tips of to my classmate for telling me this

## What do you call a 3.14m long snake?

A πthon.

## “Hey dad. Have you seen my sunglasses?”

“I don’t know. Have you seen my dad glasses?”

## Why did the skeleton not go to the party?

He had no body to go with

## Every time I ask what LGBT is

I can never get a straight answer

## A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

## What did the coat say to the hanger

We should hang out sometime.

## I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl

And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.

## This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

## My dad’s star sign was cancer which is ironic considering how he died

He was attacked by a giant crab

## Dad jokes are the best

Wife: I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad Wife: No you're not.

## If a plant is sad.Do other plants photosympathise with it?

No they chlorofeel.

## A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

## Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and left leg in an accident?

He's all right now.

## Don’t throw a snake like a boomerang.

It'll come back to bite you.