the letter “f”
He made a grave mistake.
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Does it mean you hit rock bottom
I was staring at her boobs when she said “would you please press one?” So I did.
It's not stroganoff
Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
The Finnish line
60s kids: Grandma called. 70s kids: Gramps called. 80s kids: Granny called. 90s kids: Grandmother called. Kids now: Boomerang.
[NSFW] I went for a job interview to become a blacksmith yesterday. The interviewer asked me if I’d ever shoed a horse.
I said no, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.
Because you pull the Bonaparte.
It's a crisis
So this man is talking to God and he says: “God, is it true that a million years is like a second to you?” Then God says: “Yes. A million years is like a second to me.” Then the man says: “So if a million years is like a second to you, is it true that a million dollars is like a penny for you?” Then God said: “Yes. A million dollars is like a penny to me.” So the man says: “God, can I please have a penny?” Then God says: “Yeah just give me a second.”
But everyone’s cool about it and he’s served his drink. Then, after a few minutes he says, “Hey, bartender; wanna hear a blonde joke?” The place goes dead still. Finally the bartender says, “Look, mister, I know you’re visually challenged and all; I’m gonna cut you some slack. But there’s a few things you should know. “Sitting next to you, on your right, there’s an off-duty cop. She’s armed, and she’s a blonde. On your left you got a martial arts expert with black belts in seven different disciplines. She’s a blonde. At the table behind you, two sisters: a professional wrestling team. Both are blondes. And me, I got a .357 Magnum under the counter. I’m licensed, trained, and it’s loaded. And, you guessed it: I’m a blonde. “So I want you to choose your words carefully before you answer this question: do you still want to tell that blonde joke?” “Aw hell no. Not if I have to explain it five times!”
So give it arrest…
… on the other hand, I'm okay.
It’s really hard to pull off.
He let out a little wine.
Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.
Just for shits and giggles.
I just don't understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.
Billy’s mom comes home. “Billy, what’s wrong?” -“Dad hanged himself in the attic!” he said in tears.
The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son. As she gets up to the attic, she notices that nothing is there, and little Billy started giggling. HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!! He hanged himself in the basement!"
You probably expected a rickroll, but NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
Husband: "Take the car next time, silly!"
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
Most crows drank at home
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.