Unfunny
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.
She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one. Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Found out I was color blind the other day.
That one came right out of the orange.
The more suicidal people there are
The less suicidal people there are
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?
Because he was in a cent. I know it’s stupid but c’mon
A farmer friend of mine
used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees
I once saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.
what do you call 2 transgender midgets who are having sex?
a micro transaction
What’s the opposite of isolate?
You so early
Where does the neckbeard get his water?
The well, actually.
Just thought you people might enjoy my Halloween costume last year more than my friends did
https://ift.tt/3bzwcUG
How do you turn a boat into a hat?
Just turn it over, and now it's capsized!
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.
He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross between a bald eagle and a harp seal."
Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, “The Exorcist”. She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn’t finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.
I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. “Am I homosexual?” Asked the newslady. “Neigh,” said the horse.
The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."
My girlfriend is like the coronavirus
I don't have the coronavirus
After a couple of weeks of trying, my wife just told me that she was pregnant!
She has the worst stutter ever.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What language do oranges speak?
Mandarin.
Narnia was a really progressive film
Most of the main characters came out of the closet
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?
You add Spring water.
My wife asked me “Is it just me or is the cat getting fat?”
Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.
I gave up my seat to a blind lady in the bus..
And that's how I lost my job as a bus driver
I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.
It’s his altar ego.
Me: “I bought my girlfriend a plant.”
Kid: "Is it real or fake?" Me: "Fake." Kid: "Of course, and what about the plant?"
What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?
Very little.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”