Updated “Things We Can’t Afford” with the costs for those things
It's working perfectly. They're in their mid-forties and still don't know.
It’s hard finding enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
Really hope that it isn’t Christopher Robin my house
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out."
B – Bad R – At O – Acronyms K – E –
They'd crack each other up
well i cant because he's not here
Well Well Well
But a Tiger Wood.
Donald Trump wanted to repaint the White House, and received three quotes: Mexican contractor: 3 million Italian Contractor: 7 million Israeli Contractor: 10 million After a while Trump asked the Mexican – Why did you ask for 3 million. The Mexican said:-One million in paint, one million in labor and one million profit. He asked the Italian why he was asking 7 million. Italian replied:-3 million in high quality painting, 2 million in specialized workforce and 2 million gain. He asked the Israeli why he was asking 10 million. The Israeli responded: Don Trump my friend – 4 million for you, 3 million for me, And with the 3 million leftovers we pay the Mexican to paint!!!
The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sitting there calmly…
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't." said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Baaaaaack to the future
I tried to picture her in my head and it broke my neck.
But none of them work.
anyways I lost my job at the aquarium today
I was doing a pretend job interview with my 6 year old daughter and I asked her, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
She said: “in a mirror” This really happened and I still laugh every time I think about it.
I hope they're happy
He said "No. I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?"
because everyone's already Redd-it
It becomes a laughing stock
The title says it all.
Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.
A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Granted I was a billionaire before I met her.