Use proper grammar
Just the other day I woke up to my beautiful and loving wife holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from the coronavirus.
He couldn't keep it 100 with me.
A mid-life crisis
is it still considered a beef?
Because her coach was a PUMPKIN.
I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.
… I now call him Dav.
She looked surprised.
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.”
Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
I will down vote myself on the way out….
Me: That’s when I went to Yale. Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired. Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
A whim away a whim away a whim away
He went ice skating before it was cool.
Guess you can call it glockomole
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It’s literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I’m sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill? Dead ant… dead ant… dead ant dead ant dead ant… dead ant dead ant….
…jeeze I was young back then.
How do you tell a time travelling joke?
I put on the wrong sock this morning.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.