Use something else.
Woman: And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.
But first I need to get some shit off my chest.
I got an email that said “You have won £36,769,011. To complete the transaction we will need your bank details.”
"Certainly," I replied. "It's a big building with money inside."
It ended in a draw.
You never turn your back on your family.
One more piece of clothing and I’ll be one whole Roy!
By previously legalizing same-sex marriage and now Marijuana, Canada have finally interpreted the bible correctly:
Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.
Her: Where is the 5th? French guy: Cinq.
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…
"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?" "Yes, my master, I have." "And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?" "Yes, my master, I have witnessed it." "And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?" "Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon." "That is the problem. You keep watching all this stuff instead of training."
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness
I’m not joking, but he is.
Because it's gross income
"All this LGBTQ shit is getting out of control. It wasn't like this when I was a little girl."
Judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved.
The LIVING ROOM
Politics means Many Bloodsucking Insects
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works. “But I keep losing my Focus!”
St. Peter asks the first guy if/how many times he had cheated on his wife. He answers twice. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Honda Civic. The second guy gets asked the same question and he responds once. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Harley Davidson. The third guy gets asked the same question as the first two people and responds never. St. Peter says, “Good job staying faithful,” and hands him the keys to a Rolls Royce. A little while later while riding the streets of Heaven the first guy in the Honda Civic rolls by the third guy in the Rolls Royce. The first guy notices the third guy crying and asks, “Why are you crying, you are enjoying your after life in a Rolls Royce, while I am stuck in a Honda Civic.” The third guy responds, “I am crying because I saw my wife, she was on a skateboard.”
STARTLED, BRYAN GASPS ,, "FREDDIE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD?" TO WHICH FREDDIE REPLIES "I WAS BUT I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A VOODOO PRIEST" "VOODOO?", BRYAN ASKS,"WHATS VOODOO?" "WELL BRYAN", FREDDY SAYS, "ITS A KIND OF MAGIC!"
Or should I spread them apart?
… its where i flip your MOM over im sorry
He was a real tan gent.
Like I'm going to listen to a drug addict
The news headline was there is a small medium at large
A rip off.