He was high on my list of priorities
so I can shoot myself instead of meeting new people
You press the button and six floors come down.
They called it a day
But now I stand corrected
She was livid and screamed “what the fuck am I going to do with two dead dogs”
Does that make them shotgun snails?
But backwards it’s even more stupid.
When a dog licks his balls in public, nobody says anything. But when I do it, people yell "what are you doing to your dog, you sick fuck?"
An iron deficiency.
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Because he'd Benedicted to it. I thought of this joke over 20 years ago as a kid lol
It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.
They go too far above your head.
Nothing, it just waved.
They can’t keep a straight face
It's a true pundemic
The first mathematician orders a beer The second orders half a beer "I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies "Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 "What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous." "Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along" "There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to." "But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-" "I know how limits work" interjects the bartender "Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics" "Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" "HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade. The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA" The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" "It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."
Because one is a repost.
It doesn't last long for fat people
I've never been good at geometry.
Bartender says "Three feet tall." Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
A bad joke timing
I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.
I said to the waitress, "Can I see the menu please?" She said,"the men I please has nothing to do with you".
but she did migrate to California in 1849.
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The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Oops, wrong frame of reference.
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it. A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.