Vaguely racist? Check. Not really funny? Also check.
Don’t get mad at lazy people..
They didn't do anything.
Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
What kind of car does someone visiting Norway drive?
A Fjord Tourist.
A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: ‘You’ll never guess with how many women I’ve slept!’
'Mmm?' 'Not that many!'
Why did the transgender person disappear after they gave birth?
They became transparent.
What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?
Itโs a fizzician! Iโll see myself out
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
I would stay away from the Soviet Union
There's a lot of red flags you need to watch out for.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator
I’ve met a noble Russian homosexual
His name was Sir Gay
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank
The rabbit says, "I'm a type O."
Did you hear about the short psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large
Whatโs a happy cowboyโs favorite candy?
Jolly ranchers
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didnโt have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
Itโs easy to prevent women from eating tide pods…
…but itโs harder to deter gents
This guy got really drunk. So drunk that his friends had to carry him.
This guy got really drunk. So drunk that his friends had to carry him. Next morning he wakes up in his own bed, clean, in his pijamas, his wife gone. Groggy as hell, he gets up and starts looking around. In the kitchen he finds an immaculate breakfast, eggs, bacon, coffee and 50 bucks. He finds a note from his wife: "Dearest beloved husband. I hope that my note finds you well. I have prepared this loving breakfast for you and I've left you 50 bucks to go and have a drink with your mates later. Lots of love." Stunned, the guy runs back upstairs and shakes his son awake. "What happened, boy? What's all this?" "Well dad, you came home absolutely pissed and mum was furious. We carried you up to your bedroom and when she started undressing your smelly clothes you began to push her and yell: Leave me alone you scank! I'm a married man!"
My doctor recently wrote me a prescription for daily sex.
My wife seems to think it's for dyslexia.
What’s the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Iraqi preschool?
I have no idea, I just fly the drone.
My Ex-Wife Cheated On Me With Her Deaf Best Friend…
Honestly, I shouldโve seen the signs.
Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says, "Sorry but you're gonna have to leave; we don't serve noble gases here." Helium does not react
A guy sent me his nudes.
Pretty nuts, if you ask me.
Her: Did you and your buddies experiment with sex and drugs when you were in school?
Me: Yes, but I was in the control group.
My son is a man trapped in a womanโs body..
Heโll be born in March.
A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.
The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet. The waitress asks, "Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?" "Yup," says the woman. "Makes it easier than trying to remember who's who every damn time." "But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?" the waitress asks. "Well, then I just call them by their last names."
I like my women how I like my Corona viruses
Easy to get, quick to spread and leaving me out of breath
After you die, what part of you body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils. They dilate.
I saw glass coffins are now a thing and I wonder if theyโll be popular?
Remains to be seen
I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing
It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
ANNOUNCEMENT: r/boomershumor cleanup and return to the golden era
This sub has gone from great to bad in just months. The majority of the top posts were rule-breaking reposts from r/terriblefacebookmemes and r/wholesomememes. Many long-term members have been rightfully complaining.I am happy to announce that r/boomershumor will be returning to its roots: a place for shitty boomer comics.Here’s what that means:Rules will be enforced again and new mods will be recruited in the coming weeks.Old posts that broke the rules are being removed — a clean standard needs to be set for new members.Wholesome comics are not allowed.Meta threads and OC boomer comics are now officially allowed for the time being and have their own flair.Reminder of the rules and examples of what doesn’t belong:Rule 1: Baby boomer humor only. Terrible comics that younger people could find funny don’t belong here. Try r/ComedyCemetery.Rule 2: Must be comic styled. Example of what doesn’t belong. Shitty boomer memes can be posted to r/terriblefacebookmemes.Rule 3: No wholesome comics or sanity edits. Example. You can find wholesome comics on r/wholesomememes and sanity edits on various other subs.Additional Changes:Post flairs have been added. Please recommend additional flairs in the comments.Users flairs have been added. You can select your generation and out yourself as a boomer.When reporting posts, you can now select which rule. Thank you for taking the time to report.Please post any feedback, questions, comments, and complaints about your wife in the comments below.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
Which means that you will not only be banned from posting to this sub but you may get a shadow ban from reddit. Shadow ban means that you will not be able to post anything to ANY subreddit. Just follow the rules before posting.
I’m really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.
Now every little ting is gonna be all right!
My wife’s leaving me because she says I have an unhealthy obsession with Africa…
Kenya believe it? I'm Ghana miss her.
Why donโt you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Theyโre really good at it.
TIL why nurses always carry red crayonsโฆ
It's in case they have to draw blood…
I think I suffer from Kleptomania
I should probably take something for it. Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger
Our front door was locked, so I tried to force it open.
My wife said, โYou are not a Jedi, just use the goddamn key.โ