Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo…
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds…
Start in England and drive West.
They don't have enough bucks to buy clucks.
It improved my outlook.
Those damn mooselimbs.
"Breathe you idiot, BREATHE!" I've never been so proud.
A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy “No, they went in to town.” The boy replied “Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked “No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.” “Well,” The farmer said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.” The boy thought for a moment then said “You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”
I know that we all have different views and argue a lot on reddit, but here’s something we have in common.
People who are reading this are on the same page.
Because downvotes are very offensive.
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for ten hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
"Silence of the Lambs"
I politely declined- I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Now she's a shovel
they're so full of themselves.
A white horse fell in the mud
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
She’s a private tutor.
You boil the hell out of it
What if like a ladybug got all dusty and stopped flying and became a Potatoe bug?
He'd lie awake at night wondering if there's a dog.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
"No, the regular kind."
But it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.
A good swearitan.
The results came completely out of the purple…
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies, "Yes, father. I used the "F-word" over the weekend." The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language." The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue. "Well father," he begins. "I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church." The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?" The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I hooked my drive well left into the trees." The priest said, "And that's when you swore." The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree." The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?" The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away." The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?" The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole." The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed that fucking putt!"