Very controversial indeed
What’s a horses favorite alcoholic beverage?
Chardoneigh
Gadzooks! r/ProgrammerHumor is looking for moderators (mod application thread)
https://ift.tt/2WLc4Zg
I’m not very good at dad jokes, but here goes nothing
No text found
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?
Because it has no home button.
Do you know what’s the difference between toilet paper and the shower curtain?
No? SO IT WAS YOU!!!
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
Do not accept a FB friend request from Hormel Foods…
It could be Spam.
I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, “What’s going on?” “You tell me?” replied my wife. I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.” “A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!” I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”
Just got to get this off my chest…. I’m getting sick and tired of people complaining about the price of things, $2.70 for coffee, $1.50 a cookie, $4.00 an hour for parking.
If I hear any more moaning.. I'm stopping inviting people to my house.
What’s the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?
Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My daughter asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I told her "No, I'm going to put it up in the living room."
Your momma’s so fat…
I tried to picture her in my head and it broke my neck.
You can’t change the weather in the tree
But you can climate
Four engineers get into a car. the car won’t start.
The mechanical engineer says : "its a broken starter" The electrical engineer : "dead battery" The chemical engineer: "impurities in the gasoline" The IT engineer: "Hey guys , i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.
I said, “Wait, I can change.”
TIL why nurses always carry red crayons…
It's in case they have to draw blood…
What a wholesome story, I wonder how this boy turned out.
What a wholesome story, I wonder how this boy turned out.
Wife: I have to tell you something, I’m pregnant
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad Wife: No you’re not.
All countries will get the corona virus eventually…
China just got it right off the bat…
My wife told me I was terrible with directions
So I packed up my things and right
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good. Just made this up in the kitchen and got an eye roll from my wife, so I figured it was good to post, even if it is a bit cheesy.
if 666 is all evil
then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil
I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”
I said, “No. Is that still required?”
Who is this Rorschach guy
And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting
My friend told me, “My girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character, and it’s getting really annoying!”
“Are you mad at her?” I asked. He responded, “Geez! Don’t you start too!”
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
Wanna hear a HIPAA joke?
Sorry, I can't tell you.
What do you call an instagram celeb who got Corona?
An influenzer.
Date night with my wife and as she’s reading the menu she asks, “Is anything popping out at you?”
I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."