very infuriating
A woman tells her doctor, “Kiss me!”
The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?" The woman says again, "Kiss me now!" The doctor replies, "Certainly not!" The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!" The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having sex right now!"
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Shoutout to my Grandpa!
Because that's the only way he can hear.
My toddler just dad joked me.
She asked for ice for some imaginary wound, and as I gave her the ice pack (shaped like a circle with five fingers), she told me, "Thanks, Dad, I just needed a hand." I've never been more proud.
My father’s name is Lee. My name is Riley.
As a kid, if I ever said the word “apparently”, he would interrupt to shout “A Son Riley!”
I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
A cat died and went to Heaven
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow. A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?” The cat replied, “Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious.”
Have you ever noticed that Hasbro has cornered the entire board game industry?
I guess you can say they own a monopoly.
Why did Disney make frozen 2?
Because they couldn't let it go
Why didn’t the cannibal eat the guy with no legs?
He was lacktoes intolerant.
My chemistry teacher asked me :
Teacher: What’s the monomer of rubber? Me: Is it monobber?
3 men were in a boat. There were 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they threw one into the sea and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
Why is dark spelt with a k and not a c?
Because you can't see in the dark.
A guy goes to a Halloween party with a beautiful girl on his back….
The host asks him, "And what are you?" The guy says, " I'm a snail." The host says "And who's that on your back?" "That's Michelle!"…
What do you call a super soaker that shoots blood?
A plasma gun
What kind of organization does an atheist start?
A non-prophet one
Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?
Because it's too cold out-Tide
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 72% water. I can walk on babies. Therefore I’m 72% jesus.
I'm also 100% in prision.
What kind of bees produce milk ?
Boo bees
Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?
He asked them who the best composer was and didn’t like their answer.
What is Yoda’s last name?
Lay hee hoo
My girlfriend broke up with me so I stole her wheelchair…
Guess who came crawling back
What do police do when there’s a fly annoying everyone in the station?
Call the swat team.
Why do they spell it “honour” and “favour” in the United Kingdom?
Because Rick Astley is British.
OC boomer comics are now limited to Sundays. If it’s satire, it belongs on r/antiboomershumor
This decision was based on feedback from both users and moderators.If you have any feedback or comments on how the sub is doing, or how it’s being run, please comment below.phone bad
What’s the difference between a computer and an American?
An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.
Why does every pothead want to be 5’8″ in height?
Then they literally 4'20"
Like 1/3 of the posts on this sub are funny
Just because it’s made be a baby boomer doesn’t make it bad
